if there's one thing i swear by, it's baking soda.

so many things have happened in the past week and i’m exhausted.

i’m tired of explaining and defending myself and of trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life so i can be happy.

i’m currently unemployed. never been in this situation before now. and after a week, a small part of me is already silently screaming and pulling her hair out. but i still pretend everything’s okay. and that i know what to do.

a big part of me feels stupid. i try not to dwell too much on that though. during the past week, i drowned my emotions in alcohol and billowing clouds of smoke and laughter. a week later, my body’s started to punish me for the abuse i’ve subjected it to. so instead, i’m trying to cover it up with pitchers of tea and lots of music and whatever else.

i’m afraid to say aloud that a tiny part of me is in a state of sheer panic. i try to stay logical but it only works for a while. people’s fickleness don’t help either. mine, included.

i want to cry but tears won’t come.

Love After Love by Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

i’ve always wanted someone like you. 

i just consider myself lucky now that i HAVE met you.

i’m sorry i’m not as active a part in your life than i’d like to be.

still, i consider myself lucky. :)

thanks for being there

constantly.

the perfect exercise for lazy people (e.g. Me): Crossfit

I had gained so much weight in the last seven months that I came to a point where I really disliked my body. I felt fat and unhealthy. I could feel my thighs rubbing together when I walked. My legs felt like sausages in my jeans and I could feel and SEE my belly bulging over the waists of my bottoms. I found myself huffing after walking a single block and my thighs burned every time I took a flight of stairs. 

And then, I was introduced to crossfit (thanks to Kuyang Geogie). Kuyang Geogie used to do it every morning with the del Moral cousins when they were still in Manila. I only tried it once and I couldn’t finish one session. When they left and I had enough of feeling disgusted, I finally made the conscious decision to work out. 

There’s a crossfit gym in Ortigas where the monthly fee is around PhP 3,000. It’s too far from work and I couldn’t possibly squeeze going to the gym with the schedule at work so I decided to just do it at home. 

I’ve done it pretty regularly for two weeks now and I’m glad to say I am seeing results. The workouts are painful but I’m starting to fit in my jeans again (Big Yay!). And what’s even better about it is it only takes 15-20 minutes a day!

The point of crossfit is doing different high-intensity exercises everyday so your muscles don’t get used to the same movements and develop much faster.

Here are some of the WODs (Workout of the Day) that I’ve tried. I’m going to post more of these that I’m able to do as time goes on. :)

- 10 walking lunges, 10 pushups, 5 rounds

- 10 burpees, 20 squats, 30 situps

- 10 tuck jumps, 15 back extensions, 5 rounds

- 100 pushups

- 7 squats, 7 burpees, 7 rounds

- handstand hold, 30 seconds, squat hold 30 seconds, 10 rounds

- “L” sit off the floor. 10 rounds of 10 seconds (i’m not able to do a proper “L” sit yet. what i did was i sat w/ my legs straight out and tried to lift my heels off the floor for 10 seconds. It’s harder than it looks.)

- 10 vertical jumps, 10 push-ups, 5 rounds

- 10 push ups, 10 air squats, 10 sit ups, 6 rounds

(for more exercises, you can visit: http://blog.amiripped.com/travel-wods)

Have you ever tried crossfit? I would love to hear about new sessions I can try out at home!