One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via jesusfuckmechrist)

I am reblogging this specifically for the hilarity that is step 8. 

(via kathorsuxx)

YES omg just yes

(via in-freedom-we-find-sin)

Well…….

(via sourcedumal)

applause

(via thechocolatebrigade)


brilliant.

brilliant.


fuckyeahtattoos:

Design by Ali Gulec,done at Elvin Tattoo,Singapore.

oh my. this!

fuckyeahtattoos:

Design by Ali Gulec,done at Elvin Tattoo,Singapore.

oh my. this!


When sex becomes a production or performance that is when it loses its value. Be mutual. Be loud. Be clumsy. Make noises, be quiet, and make a mess. Bite, scratch, push, pull, hold, thrust. Remove pressure from the moment. Love the moment. Embrace it. Enjoy your body; enjoy your partners’ body. Produce sweat, be natural, entice your senses, give into pleasure. Bump heads, miss when you kiss, laugh when it happens. Speak words, speak with your body, speak to their soul. Touch their skin, kiss their goose bumps, and play with their hair. Scream, beg, whimper, sigh, let your toes curl, lose yourself. Chase your breath; keep the lights on, watch their eyes when they explode. Forget worrying about extra skin, sizes of parts and things that are meaningless. Save the expectations, take each second as it comes. Smear your make up, mess up your hair, rid your masculinity, and lose your ego. Detonate together, collapse together, and melt into each other.

(via iamhelterskelter)

detonate together.

(via we-are-stardust)


fim-damaskino:

I’m not very good with words,

but I just love you so, so much.

(via illuminatedraindrops)



This. Now, please.

This. Now, please.

(via middleofthestory)


Kiss your own fingertips
and hug your own curves.
You are made of waves and honey
and spicy peppers when it is necessary.
You are a goddess,
I hope you haven’t forgotten.

Emery Allen  (via wethinkwedream)

Note to self.

(via moonpunx)


I Remember
Damien Rice
O

middleofthestory:

Damien Rice - I Remember


this would be perfect for what i’m feeling right now. except i would have a bucket of ice cream on one hand and an iced vodka bottle in the other (or maybe JD).

this would be perfect for what i’m feeling right now. except i would have a bucket of ice cream on one hand and an iced vodka bottle in the other (or maybe JD).

(via thechocolatebrigade)


Hot Like Fire (Cover)
The xx
Tour 7"

colourmegreenwich:

fitoraemusic:

The xx // Hot Like Fire (Cover)

You can’t resist, kiss, kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss.

(via moonpunx)


Sunday Girl
She & Him
Volume 3

stalling:

Title: Sunday Girl
Artist: She & Him

(via natsferatu)


The Good That Won't Come Out
Rilo Kiley
The Execution of All Things

Rilo Kiley - The Good That Wont Come Out

You say I choose sadness,
that it never once has chosen me,
maybe you’re right.

(via thechocolatebrigade)